The First Bump In Our Road

When I vowed to help A make the motherhood journey, I never expected it to be an easy one. No journey worth embarking on, ever is. I worried about A the whole time I was away in Arizona. She has been throwing up small amounts of blood and we still have no definite answers as to why. So I felt helpless being six hours away. What if she needed me? I did have my cell phone, but even that was not enough to keep me from worrying.

I got a text from A on Friday. I just said that she broke up with her boyfriend again. I responded with a question. She did not answer. I called the phone number...no answer. I got worried. The worry did not end as I was unable to get hold of her until tonight, when I stopped by her house to make sure she was ok. She is okay, but had a very emotionally tumultuous weekend.

The break up stirred up so much stress in A, that it brought on a migraine. She took Tylenol...a lot of it. So much that somebody deemed it necessary to take her to the hospital to make sure she and the baby were going to be ok. Apparently, we need to have a talk about what is acceptable dosage for medicine. I'm not going to rule out the possibility that she got so upset over their break up that she took too much medicine to get back at him, or make him feel bad. I don't know what she was thinking. We will be having a talk tomorrow.

Above all, I really feel bad for not being available when she needed me. I wonder if I had been around, she may have come to me instead of doing something so dangerous.

Why I Want To Be A Mommy Mentor

Here is my story and why I choose to be a mommy mentor:
I got pregnant when I was 19. I was not as young as some moms, but definitely not ready to be a mom myself. I was still very immature and selfish. I took advantage of the kindness of others. I partied too much. I was irresponsible, disrespectful and out of touch with reality. I cared only for myself and what was good for me. I had no vision for the future. I had just come out of a long relationship/engagement. Up until the break up, I had remained celibate. The break up changed me and I became a whole different person.

I no longer respected myself. I drank too much (under age) and went out all the time. I was so scared that no other boy would want to marry me, so I had sex just to keep a boy I really liked. The boy treated me poorly after I gave him my virginity. My self esteem was shot. I felt so horrible for giving him the gift that I knew should only be given to my husband. This boy would never be my husband. He dumped me soon after and for a few months my life became a huge mess. My mom was disappointed in me. My sisters didn't want to be around me. I had no where to live. I had to stay with my ex-boyfriend's parents. Not a good situation.

Then I met Daniel. I knew him as the older, unattainable athlete from high school. We hit it off and started dating. We were both still in party mode. I was trying to escape my hurt and he was trying to escape his. We were kind of rebounds to each other. Sex was part of our relationship, until one day when he changed his mind. "I don't want to have sex with you anymore." He informed me. I was offended until he told me why, "I want to marry you."

Those words changed my life. We decided to wait until we were married. A few weeks later, I started feeling queasy and tired. I was pregnant.


I undertsand what A is going through...but not fully. I had a good guy who wanted to take care of me. A does not. It has to be scary. This is why I feel so strongly about helping her and the other young women out there who need a person who cares. It is not about mistakes...we all make them. It is about learning and growing. It is about using our experiences to help others better themselves. I was blessed with people who loved me enough to help me and give me the swift kick I needed, as well as a hug. My grandpa was one of those people. He never gave up on me, no matter how much I messed up. He always loved me and supported me. I do this in honor and memory of him.

First Order Of Business...growing up

The first order of business for A, is to get approved for WIC (a government program that supplies mothers and children with money for food) and MediCal. We visited Alternate Avenues, a pro life clinic that provides gestating women and mothers with all kinds of assistance. We were there for three hours and got a lot accomplished.

We got the paperwork for both programs. We discussed health and warning signs of a miscarriage (she has already had one.) The doctor there did an ultrasound to date the pregnancy. A has an EDD (estimated due date) of May14th. The baby was not old enough to tell the sex, but looked livley as he/she danced in A's womb. I watched the expression on A's face and I could tell that she was already falling in love with the little person inside her. HOWEVER...she is still a teenager and does not realize that mothering the little being who dances in her womb is going to be so much more responsibility that she can imagine. As much as I am pleased that she is not slinking off to some abortion clinic, she is very naive about the huge endeavor that she is undertaking. I know that I have my work cut out for me. The nurse had to ask her to put away her phone while she gave us important information. She was texting people and it was not polite. Typical teenage habits.

I see a great need for a reality check. A needs to learn that her carefree teenage stage is over and that it is time to grow up. After all, pregnancy is the preparation period for what lies ahead. If a woman does not utilize her forty weeks to prepare, the transition will be (what I like to call) a period of "Shock And Awe," to say the least.

Kadi, You cannot "Make" A Mommy

Yes, I know this. I know that a woman has to make the decision to put herself last and her children first. Nobody can force motherhood on another person. It takes an softened heart, strong will, humility, selflessness and self sacrifice to be a mother. Having a baby does not a mother make. Nothing I can say or do will magically change this teenager into a full fledged mommy.

I can, however, sow seeds. I can put thoughts into her mind, be persistent in teaching my knowledge and try to convey the life changing metamorphosis that motherhood requires. Will she grasp these things and use them to guide her along the journey to motherhood? I don't know. It is sort of like I tell my husband about giving money to beggars. It is not our job to discern whether or not they will use the money to buy food or drugs. Our job is simple, to provide for the needy. Their resulting actions are of their own choosing and they will be accountable to God someday. The same can be said for this situation.

Whether or not A chooses to make the metamorphosis is up to her. I will do my best to guide her and encourage her. Ultimately, the choice is hers to make.

We begin the journey...

Did you ever wonder why your life unfolded the way it did? I sure have. I've pondered the mystery many times. I am a mother. That much is obvious. God entrusted me with seven of His creations. How is God to use my abundant fertility to make a difference in this world? Well, aside from trying to raise my seven seeds to become good and God fearing people, I have discovered another possible explanation for the path my life has taken.

I am helping a mommy to be through her pregnancy journey and getting her prepared for motherhood. Not an easy task when I reflect on my own journey. This girl, not yet an adult, is on her own. She has nothing but the knowledge that this baby she carries is a gift. Thank God she does see it as that. Many teenagers do not. Yet, she is far from being ready to handle all that the role of mother forces on unsuspecting women. Even the most prepared woman is shell shocked at the reality that they are solely responsible for such a fragile being. No matter how precious our little bundles of joy are, there are days when we sob tears of failure and frustration. I remember this feeling and want to prepare her for it and all of the hundred other feelings that bombard our post partum minds.

Over the next six months, this girl (we will call her A) and I will work toward getting her what she needs to survive the next six months and beyond. Because we all know that the hard part does not end when we finally give birth...it is just beginning.