Second, I want to advise all mentors that some changes are in store, but not to worry. Clarissa (whose post is just below this one,) and I have decided to team up and take this idea a step further in order to make it more organized and effective for the people who visit us. We will be emailing you all with more information, so please look for that in the next week or so.
On a more personal note, I am having a hard time with the girl I am mentoring. She did contact me today, as I suspected she would. Her induction is scheduled to be performed at 39 weeks, despite having no medical problems. She just wants the baby out. She texted me with a message that she is not ready as far as having what she needs for the baby. One part of me wants to go and buy what she needs, but my more rational side knows that she is just manipulating me. I am struggling with this inner conflict. Any suggestions?
~Kadi
12 comments:
they have mentor programs available for moms when they are young and scared or in need. you go to classes and earn points to get gently used baby items..
as for right now with her...im not sure. :(
hang in there
emily
I know this is going to sound mean Kadi but you are a mentor...not her mother and keeper. It sounds like she just wants you to do everything for her. :( Stay strong. Remember you can buy small things to help her out but it is her responsibility to get the rest.
Ms. Emily~
That is what I've been doing with her. I've tried to prepare her and she still has not taken this thing seriously. That is why I'm so bummed about it all. I feel like I've tried so hard but she only wants my financial help.
Um, no. There are programs available (county, churches, etc) that can help her in that respect. You have a HUGE heart but your own financial obligations first. Tell her you'll assist in helping find these groups but she needs to make an effort, as well.
Hi Kadi.
I'm a huge advocate of supporting young women through pregnancy and those tough decisions and times. I am so glad that you are doing this and extending a helping hand and supportive shoulder.
As far as the young lady you're mentoring....
Check your local Planned Parenthood (or have her check) for resources she can use to get help with getting baby supplies.
Local firestations should have information about getting free carseats, they usually do safety seminars regularly.
Local churches and the social services office should also have info on programs that can help her get those needs taken care of.
I, myself, was a teen mother and had the support of a mentor through a church/community project called 'The Elizabeth Project'. I definitely think that providing those things is beyond the expectations of a mentor. I don't think you're getting the wrong idea, it does sound a bit manipulative...no offense intended to the young lady.
Best of luck with your venture and I can't wait to see where this leads you!
Maybe this is the solution. Provide her with a list of charitable prganizations that could help her and let her make the appointments. If she needs transport maybe you could offer taht much but she needs to take some ownership.
I agree with Sarah that she needs to take ownership of the situation. I cant imagine how hard it would be to be in your shoes though...I know that it would be real hard for me to be tough...but really it is helping her--tough love :)
I agree with everyone's advice! You are in such a hard position, but the guidance you are giving this girl will prove to be invaluable!
I can't wait to get the email with details on how this is gonna work, I'm so EXCITED!
That has to be so hard. I'm the same way and would feel so conflicted myself, but sometimes tough love is the best to teach a fish to swim in the vast ocean of life.
Thanks, everyone! I appreciate your loving advice :)
Wow I am sorry she is doing this and not taking this serious. I also agree with everyone else. I sure hope she shapes up and wakes up.
Tough love. She'll appreciate it in the long run. Sounds like she's probably not going to take mommyhood seriously until she has not other choice. It probably hasn't hit her that she is this baby's sole provider, and the well-fare of this child is completely up to her. This realization WILL smack her right in the face. Whether it is the moment she sees the baby or when she's at home with a screaming baby whose wearing a blow-out diaper that just happens to be the only diaper in the house and she realizes there's no one to help her...that is the point she will realize the full impact of being solely responsible for a helpless little person who doesn't care if she hasn't slept in weeks, showered in days, or eaten since who knows when. The latter scenario is how the responsibilities of motherhood hit me. My point is this, it would have been very easy for my mother to keep me stocked in diapers, feed the baby while I showered, rock the baby while I slept. She didn't because she knew if I didn't learn these things myself, she would be depriving me of the lessons I needed to learn to become a responsible adult. Lesson learned...never ran out of diapers again!
As far as A's present financial needs....there are lots of programs out there to offer her assistance for getting supplies for the baby. The hospital should have information about these programs and social workers to help her get the ball rolling. She won't the the first young mama walking in to L and D without a clue, which is why these programs are available. Most hospitals offer free carseats to families who are covered by Medicaid (really nice one's too.....carseat/stroller combos in my state). Anyway, there are programs to assist her, not just "The Bank 'O Kadi." You can be there to offer her emotional support, parenting advise, and point her in the right direction. Maybe a couple of hours of babysitting after she's been without sleep weeks for weeks on end and has been wearing the same spit-up soiled shirt for 4 days. The bottom line is, if she isn't forced to help herself now, she'll be looking to you for hand-outs until the kid is in college.
Hang in there, she'll get it...
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