I CAN hope

So tonight, I was watching my show's, the usual sappy chick shows. And then the Michael J. Fox special came on. The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist. I had to sit and watch it. I grew up with Back To The Future and such.

But one particular segment of the show screamed my name. Michael J. Fox spoke/interviewed Lance Armstrong. We all know who Lance Armstrong is right? Right? OK, whew I was a little worried. Not only beating cancer, winning 7 Tour De France's, but there is something else you should know. Yes, besides him being an optimist and an amazing person. Besides all that. His Mom was seventeen, yes 1 - 7, when she gave birth to him. And he spoke of her strength and how much he loves her. How much of her shines through him. Maybe not in those exact words, but you get my point right?

I was 17 when I gave birth to my oldest daughter. I've said before and will always say, that looking back, I realize that there was going to be struggles. And struggle I have. Lance said that he grew up with his Mom. So very true that statement is. I am growing right with my daughter. I thrust myself into adulthood, when we all know seventeen year old girls are not mentally prepared for that. Every new step she takes, I take with her.

I worry that this will forever damage my daughter. I do. My other two, while they differ, all of them, I have quite a bit of experience under my belt with the steps they take. But my oldest, she's a challenge, a new learning packet, a new step, a new milestone, everyday.

I tell myself everyday not to hold any regrets. I don't want to be that person, the day before I die, beating myself up because I didn't do what I wanted, because of fear. Yet, with my oldest daughter, I hold nothing but fear. I regret each decision I have made with her. I feel as though I have let her down, like I could have done better by her. In hindsight, I know I could have. As I said though, I am growing up with her.

I realize that their will be a day when the beautiful face looks to me with anger. Screaming at me filled with questionable sanity and teenage hormone ridden emotions, 'WHY did you do that Mom'. I CAN only hope that I will have the strength, the internal reminder to say to her, 'Because I did what I thought was best' or 'Because I love you'. While inside me, my heart will be breaking. I let her down.

Eight years ago, my life began. (thanks Grey's Anatomy I needed that line tonight and will thank you for the next one too) Eight years ago, I became accountable for somebody else besides myself. Eight years ago, I realized I can't live up to everyone's expectations, including the one (now three of them) persons that matters the most. My kids(s).

But I CAN hope that I am raising the kids to have empathy. To have understanding. To have a giant heart. To know that I tried to do everything in my power to make their short life under me amazing. Truly amazing.

I CAN hope, that like Lance Armstrong, my kids adore me. Cherish me. Admire me. Love me. And thank me for all that they have become.

I CAN hope, that like Lance Armstrong's Mom, I raise (three) children to become inspiringly amazing. They don't have to win 7 Tour De France's, or become multi-millionaires. Nope. I just want them to NEVER lose hope. NEVER lose faith. NEVER lose optimism. NEVER give up.

And love life while doing it.

My story- finally..

Growing up having a dad and grandfather as preachers, was SO cool to me as a child, and so annoying all at once. I loved that everyone in town (small town) knew my grandparents or dad and the rest of my family, just at a mention of their name. But I also hated going out and spending at least 75% of the time just standing there, because inevitably someone would stop a family member and talk for what seemed like hours.

Once I became a teenager, my mom always had this running joke "Just remember, no matter where you are in town, people know us and they know you. We have people watching you everywhere." And while I didn't think there truly were people out there doing nothing but spying on me, I couldn't help but think of those words the day that those two pink lines showed up on my pregnancy test.

I'll never forget that day. My period was always on time, like clockwork. This month it was still on time, except it lasted maybe two days and that was it. My best friend went with me to the store, I bought the test, and I couldn't even wait to get out of there to take it. I settled on going to the neighboring gas station, and 5 minutes later I flew out of that stall, certainly looking like I'd seen a ghost.

I've always been great with kids. So at 19, taking care of a child of my own wasn't a scary thing. It was telling my family, my boyfriend, figuring out finances- after all I had only just graduated high school the year prior, I had no formal education.

My husband (fiance at the time) was floored. It was an odd situation, because he always talked about wanting kids, and even wanting them right then. But I think that it was all a romantic notion that he never really put a lot of serious thought into. I called him on the phone to tell him that the test was positive, and all he could say was "Hmm..Ok..Well..hmmm...ok...well....". It was instant shock. Later that night when I went to see him (he was away at college), I remember sitting there on his lap and he was just staring at me as if I had 4 heads. I was 19, he was 22 at the time. We were practically kids. I had no job, neither did he. I had no education, he was still in college.

Telling the family was a huge burden on me, one that I couldn't keep for long. I managed to keep it a secret for a day, until my aunt took me to the local clinic and I had them do another test, which was again positive. From then, I went straight to my moms work and told her, NOT the best thing to do. I just remember that she truly did not look upset, she truly did not look disappointed in me, thought I felt it all for myself. There wasn't a lot she could say- after all, she had walked in my very shoes almost 20 years ago to the date- when she herself was just 20. My dad was devastated, and my grandma, shocked. It was a long, and very tense few weeks until the dust settled. My mom embraced it for what it would be- a new grandchild in the family. My dad resented her for being excited. One side of the family was happy, one was upset. It was a whirl wind of emotions and I was caught right in the middle of it- a hormonal, pregnant teenager.

I finally got a break after the dust cleared. I truly had a model pregnancy- I went and got a job at Applebees, and worked 15 hour shifts up until my 5th month of pregnancy, then I cut back to regular hours. I worked until the day that my water started leaking- at work. Then I went to dinner, and bowling, and then to the hospital LoL. Hey, I read tons of pregnancy books- but I didn't know a thing about leaking water. I even went back into Walmart after I got that positive test, and bought a pregnancy book. But nowhere in there do i remember that your water may leak, and not break ;) I'm here to tell you that it can happen- and did to me, with both children of mine. :) Anyhow, the pregnancy was perfect- not an ounce of morning sickness, no terrible health problems or weird body functions- and I gained a mere 22lbs. Don't hate me, I held on to most of it afterwards. Ugh.

My "break" was more than made up for when it came time to give birth- as I said, I was at work. I went to use the restroom, flushed, and went to wash my hands when I felt this "pop"- almost as if someone had "flicked" me from the inside. But there was no rush of water, and so I thought that maybe the baby had just kicked me a funny way.

I worked all day, an 8 hour shift, and had minimal leaking. I honestly thought that I had just started losing bladder control. I was exactly 2 weeks away from my due date, and it was New years Eve.

I came home and showered, and went to dinner and then to bowling. But then by this point the leaking had picked up, so we paid a call to the doctor, who told me to come in. Lo and behold, I was 2 cm dilated, and my water had indeed broken. They checked me into my room just in enough time for me to watch the New Years Eve ball drop with my mom in bed :)

To make up for that model pregnancy, my labor was 21 hours of sheer hell on my body. They started me on Pitocin- the devils brew, I like to call it. If you've never experienced it, I would never wish it on anyone. I have a very high threshold for pain, but I was no match for this. They "upped" the dose every 30 minutes, and about 10 hours later I started blacking out from the pain. 3 hours after that, 13 hours total, I was only 3cm. 5 hours from that, 18 hours total, I was at a 5 and nearly psychotic. I was in so much pain that I was blacking out between every contraction, but I had a very old fashioned doctor who refused to give me an epidural. He eventually "allowed" me a sleeping pill and shot of Demerol that did nothing. Finally, my nurse told him that if he didn't give me something, I was going to stall the labor due to the pain, and we needed to get that baby out since it was already well past 24 hours since my water had started- the baby should be out within 24 hours because of the risk of infection.

Finally after 18 hours and a few minutes, I was given an epidural. I don't think I've ever sat so still and so quiet in my life while they put that thing in. I was just desperate for relief! I had the sweetest older lady who took care of me, who actually came out of there crying because she knew how much pain I was in, but I didn't move a muscle.

3 hours after the epidural, a nurse came into my room with a very nonchalant attitude to check me. I had problems with the medication delivery of the epidural and the dose had to be upped. This caused me to feel NOTHING at all, and so I had no clue that I should have even been feeling pressure down there. The nurse comes in just for a routine check, to find my daughter crowning, which was new news to all of us, including myself. LoL She has me push the call button, and is holding daughter in with one hand and yelling for a doctor with another. 5 pushes later, 10 minutes, she was out, barely a New Years Day baby- born at 9:56pm. :) So I may have had a terrible labor, but the delivery was much better.

Adjusting to life at home with a newborn was interesting. My labor was so difficult that they kept me in the hospital for 4 days- I wasn't allowed to walk up stairs or anything, and boy did I have cabin fever by the time I got out of there! Husband was in his last and hardest semester of school, and it was really crunch time. With no chance for me to get a decent job, we knew he had to graduate on time, it was our only hope. So,I lived with my parents for the first two months. I appreciated the help, but I was SO ready to be able to do my own thing. In between the chaos of the pregnancy and everything else going on, we got married a mere two weeks before I gave birth- which was supposed to be a month before I gave birth, but she had other plans ;) It just felt weird to be a married mother of 1, living with my parents. I was married, had a baby, and moved all within a 3 month time span. And at this point, I was only 20 years old.

Now that I've shared a small part of my story, I'd like to say this- I like to think that most any situation can be turned into a positive, or at least try. It is very rare that anything about a teenage pregnancy can be considered "good" timing, but to work with what we had, we had as good of timing as we could get. Husband graduated with an engineering degree when daughter was only 4 months old, got a great job with the federal government, and we moved 2 hours from home into "our" first place. We had some help in the beginning, but once he had a job we were on our own and it felt so good. The sudden flood of important life events and adjustments wasn't easy, but we made it. We had a great support system of family and friends, and it meant a lot.

Looking back, obviously I would have waited to have a baby if I had to choose.I know, I had a choice- birth control. But I don't take it- still don't- and we got careless and felt bulletproof. A surprise pregnancy can be so stressful on the parents, but also on their circle of family and friends. I missed out on a lot of things- going away to college, living on my own, things that most people hate when they do them, but you also miss them if you don't ever get to do them. I lost a lot of friends because I wasn't "cool" anymore- I didn't want to go out and party until 2am, or take weekend trips all the time. And even if I wanted to, I couldn't.

We truly made the best of our situation, and while at times it's not been anywhere close to being easy, we've made it through. Husband still has the same great job, and he's had many raises and promotions in the process. I went back to school when daughter was 3 and got my nursing license, and that next spring we had our second child- a son. One who is wild and I'm almost certain there can be none out there like him, but that's a whole other story :) LOL. I am so grateful and so fortunate for what we have, because I know that it doesn't come close to turning out good for a lot of young moms. I would never trade my daughter for the world. She brings me such joy and she's so loving and such a wonderful little person. It's hard to believe that she's 6 now. I'll never forget the journey I had to becoming her mom, she saved me, she made me grow up sooner than I should have- but I was also on a path going nowhere fast. I don't want to think about where I would be in life if I hadn't had her. The journey of my pregnancy with my son was a totally different experience from day 1, but mostly in a good way since he was a planned baby. I'll save that for another time.

Thanks for letting me share a part of my life with you all- I apologize for being behind on my posts, but better late than never! ;)

Chantelle

Accidental Lessons

I'm not exactly sure how old I was; maybe I was about 8. I spent all kinds of time with my grandfather while my parents worked at a local sewing factory. Spring and summer were my favorite seasons because we would plant his garden together and tend to it and plan our entries for the county fair. He was my best friend.

It was during planting one year when he said one thing that has stuck with me for my entire life and will be passed on to my children and my grandchildren. We were planting 18 cabbage plants and he looked at me and said, "Always remember one thing Bear. It's ok to plant them deep and make sure you pack the soil firmly so that they will stand tall like soldiers."

Every spring I plant our flowers and putter in our yard and every spring I hear his voice echoing in my ears. This past weekend I watched my children pot some flowers that I bought for them and I heard myself saying, "Make them stand tall like soldiers."

I know when he said it he had no idea that he was impacting me in such a profound way. He was talking about his garden. But this is a lesson that reaches way beyond the garden gate. As mothers we strive to plant our children's roots deep. We want them to be grounded in faith, morals, joy, and strength. We tend them and we try to pack those life lessons in firmly so that one day our children can stand tall - like soldiers. One day they will be able to reach down to those deep roots and make a firm decision or take a strong stand.

My grandfather never intended to teach me all of that. But he said it and it stuck. And it grew. As I approach mothering every day I have to remind myself that every accidental lesson is a lesson just the same. Do I lose my temper? Do I use patience? Do I love freely? Do I demonstrate kindness to strangers?

May our best lessons be better than accidental. May our lessons be intentional and create strong children to stand tall in the days to come.

Come Join Us!

While the new site is not all prettied up and completely ready to go, we wanted to give you the opportunity to browse around and sign up!

You can visit us at our soon-to-be new nest and be sure to comment on the Mommy Mentor page so that we know all you are there!

Part 3.....

Hey Y'all! It's Nicole again, writing Part 3.....

So after Kaylyn's arrival, I took my FMLA allotted 12 weeks maternity leave and went back to work on day shift after my leave was over. Our life rocked along pretty smoothly until Winter '03, just after Kaylyn's 2nd birthday. Baby fever hit, and hit HARD. We both really wanted another baby, but neither of us were sure if the timing was right. Our finances played a major part in making this decision. A new baby would mean we would have to pay for daycare x's 2. Not cheap. We prayed about it and finally we got our "sign." This "sign" was Kaylyn's almost immediate potty-training on the day when she told me she would use the potty. (Seriously, One day I asked her when she was going to use the potty. Her response, "Friday...." and she did...the following Friday.) Good enough for me! One month later, I was taking an EPT. This time I was ecstatic when the pink lines appeared. As excited as we were, no matter how badly we wanted this baby, it was not meant to be. On August 13, at 10 weeks, I miscarried.

If you've never experienced a miscarriage, there's no way to describe the emotions that it entails. I would in no way compare it to the loss of a child you've birthed and raised but it's a loss, none-the-less. A loss that there is no closure for. There's no funeral or memorial service. Your pregnant one day, and it's gone the next. Such and "empty" feeling.

After the miscarriage, getting pregnant again became an obsession. So much so, that I PLANNED an August baby.....in Alabama. HOT, HOT, HOT!! After a miscarriage, they recommend waiting 3 months before trying to get pregnant again. Of course I was not too keen about this plan, but the fact that there is an increased risk of a second miscarriage for pregnancies occurring less than 3 months after miscarriage, I decided to follow my docs advice for once in my life. Failed to get pregnant on the first month. Sobbed like a baby. The second month...JACKPOT! 2 pink lines on the EPT!

As happy as I was, I was terrified. Pretty uneventful pregnancy with the exceptions of the noticeable differences from my first pregnancy. I was wearing maternity clothes at 3 1/2 months, as opposed to 7 1/2 months with Kaylyn. The swelling was horrible. I couldn't even dream of getting my size 4 1/2 wedding bands on. Just for fun, I tried on my friend's size 8 ring , couldn't even get it past my knuckle. At 28 weeks Pregnancy Induced Hypertension (PIH), followed by Gestational Diabetes reared their ugly heads. My PIH was pretty mild until 36 weeks when I went to the hospital one night with my blood pressure extremely elevated. I was discharged that night and placed on bed rest. No easy feat with a, then, 3 year old. 2 days later I returned for my follow-up appointment. My blood pressure was still too high. Sent again to L and D for observation. This time there were regular contractions on the monitors about 4 minutes apart. I never felt any of them. Later that day, still contracting, B/P still elevated, and after being examined, I had dilated to 3 cm. My OB decide it was time to deliver.

I was moved to a room, placed on a pitocin drip and my epidural started almost simultaneously. (They knew about the troubles with my previous epidural, and rapid labor) I never felt a single contraction. 3 hours later after pushing 3 times, Luke Christopher arrived weighing in at 6 lbs 10oz, 21 1/2 inches. He was pretty big for a 36 weeker!

Kaylyn couldn't have been happier. She was so proud to meet the baby brother she had been so patiently awaiting. We were the proud parents of 2 beautiful, healthy children.

Love the look on her face here!

First family pic. Ignore my blimplike physique...Told ya, the swelling was horrible!

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New Week, New Updates

Hey lovely ladies. We begin this week with excitement and anticipation of opening the new Making A Mommy location! Clarissa has been busting out tons of behind the scenes stuff so that we can get going with the new Ning site. That's right, a whole community devoted to Mommy Mentors and the goal of helping new moms around the country! We are both so giddy with joy!

In other news, A just told me that her mucus plug came out. For those of you who never lost one or saw one, I can only describe it in a way that would make you lose your appetite...so I won't. I will save that for a whole different post, complete with illustrations. I'm kidding....sort of. Anyway, it will not be long now until A is in labor and I'm praying that it happens without an induction because I know how long those can take if your body is not yet ready to deliver. Plus, the baby may not be really ready. Please keep A in your prayers and I will keep you all posted on her progress.
I'm off to make dinner for my brood now. Stay tuned for more info on changes and be thinking about who you would like to nominate for our Mother's Day contest. More details tomorrow!

~Kadi

On the Horizon for Making a Mommy

Hello Mommy Mentors and Friends!

I just wanted to share with you all some exciting stuff about the next step for Making A Mommy. Kadi & I are taking this team and mommy village to another platform and we want to make sure all of you wonderful people follow us there.

If you are a Contributor, please email me, Clarissa, at info@theposhparent.com and include a short bio and picture of you and your lil ones. Also, be sure to let me know which website you want linked to your name. I know a few of you have more than one blog so just let me know. :)

You will all be invited to the new site once it is all set up and ready for you to take over! Stay tuned!