Making A Mommy

I CAN hope

2009-05-07T22:34:00.000-07:00

So tonight, I was watching my show's, the usual sappy chick shows. And then the Michael J. Fox special came on. The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist. I had to sit and watch it. I grew up with Back To The Future and such.

But one particular segment of the show screamed my name. Michael J. Fox spoke/interviewed Lance Armstrong. We all know who Lance Armstrong is right? Right? OK, whew I was a little worried. Not only beating cancer, winning 7 Tour De France's, but there is something else you should know. Yes, besides him being an optimist and an amazing person. Besides all that. His Mom was seventeen, yes 1 - 7, when she gave birth to him. And he spoke of her strength and how much he loves her. How much of her shines through him. Maybe not in those exact words, but you get my point right?

I was 17 when I gave birth to my oldest daughter. I've said before and will always say, that looking back, I realize that there was going to be struggles. And struggle I have. Lance said that he grew up with his Mom. So very true that statement is. I am growing right with my daughter. I thrust myself into adulthood, when we all know seventeen year old girls are not mentally prepared for that. Every new step she takes, I take with her.

I worry that this will forever damage my daughter. I do. My other two, while they differ, all of them, I have quite a bit of experience under my belt with the steps they take. But my oldest, she's a challenge, a new learning packet, a new step, a new milestone, everyday.

I tell myself everyday not to hold any regrets. I don't want to be that person, the day before I die, beating myself up because I didn't do what I wanted, because of fear. Yet, with my oldest daughter, I hold nothing but fear. I regret each decision I have made with her. I feel as though I have let her down, like I could have done better by her. In hindsight, I know I could have. As I said though, I am growing up with her.

I realize that their will be a day when the beautiful face looks to me with anger. Screaming at me filled with questionable sanity and teenage hormone ridden emotions, 'WHY did you do that Mom'. I CAN only hope that I will have the strength, the internal reminder to say to her, 'Because I did what I thought was best' or 'Because I love you'. While inside me, my heart will be breaking. I let her down.

Eight years ago, my life began. (thanks Grey's Anatomy I needed that line tonight and will thank you for the next one too) Eight years ago, I became accountable for somebody else besides myself. Eight years ago, I realized I can't live up to everyone's expectations, including the one (now three of them) persons that matters the most. My kids(s).

But I CAN hope that I am raising the kids to have empathy. To have understanding. To have a giant heart. To know that I tried to do everything in my power to make their short life under me amazing. Truly amazing.

I CAN hope, that like Lance Armstrong, my kids adore me. Cherish me. Admire me. Love me. And thank me for all that they have become.

I CAN hope, that like Lance Armstrong's Mom, I raise (three) children to become inspiringly amazing. They don't have to win 7 Tour De France's, or become multi-millionaires. Nope. I just want them to NEVER lose hope. NEVER lose faith. NEVER lose optimism. NEVER give up.

And love life while doing it.

My story- finally..

2009-05-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

Growing up having a dad and grandfather as preachers, was SO cool to me as a child, and so annoying all at once. I loved that everyone in town (small town) knew my grandparents or dad and the rest of my family, just at a mention of their name. But I also hated going out and spending at least 75% of the time just standing there, because inevitably someone would stop a family member and talk for what seemed like hours.

Once I became a teenager, my mom always had this running joke "Just remember, no matter where you are in town, people know us and they know you. We have people watching you everywhere." And while I didn't think there truly were people out there doing nothing but spying on me, I couldn't help but think of those words the day that those two pink lines showed up on my pregnancy test.

I'll never forget that day. My period was always on time, like clockwork. This month it was still on time, except it lasted maybe two days and that was it. My best friend went with me to the store, I bought the test, and I couldn't even wait to get out of there to take it. I settled on going to the neighboring gas station, and 5 minutes later I flew out of that stall, certainly looking like I'd seen a ghost.

I've always been great with kids. So at 19, taking care of a child of my own wasn't a scary thing. It was telling my family, my boyfriend, figuring out finances- after all I had only just graduated high school the year prior, I had no formal education.

My husband (fiance at the time) was floored. It was an odd situation, because he always talked about wanting kids, and even wanting them right then. But I think that it was all a romantic notion that he never really put a lot of serious thought into. I called him on the phone to tell him that the test was positive, and all he could say was "Hmm..Ok..Well..hmmm...ok...well....". It was instant shock. Later that night when I went to see him (he was away at college), I remember sitting there on his lap and he was just staring at me as if I had 4 heads. I was 19, he was 22 at the time. We were practically kids. I had no job, neither did he. I had no education, he was still in college.

Telling the family was a huge burden on me, one that I couldn't keep for long. I managed to keep it a secret for a day, until my aunt took me to the local clinic and I had them do another test, which was again positive. From then, I went straight to my moms work and told her, NOT the best thing to do. I just remember that she truly did not look upset, she truly did not look disappointed in me, thought I felt it all for myself. There wasn't a lot she could say- after all, she had walked in my very shoes almost 20 years ago to the date- when she herself was just 20. My dad was devastated, and my grandma, shocked. It was a long, and very tense few weeks until the dust settled. My mom embraced it for what it would be- a new grandchild in the family. My dad resented her for being excited. One side of the family was happy, one was upset. It was a whirl wind of emotions and I was caught right in the middle of it- a hormonal, pregnant teenager.

I finally got a break after the dust cleared. I truly had a model pregnancy- I went and got a job at Applebees, and worked 15 hour shifts up until my 5th month of pregnancy, then I cut back to regular hours. I worked until the day that my water started leaking- at work. Then I went to dinner, and bowling, and then to the hospital LoL. Hey, I read tons of pregnancy books- but I didn't know a thing about leaking water. I even went back into Walmart after I got that positive test, and bought a pregnancy book. But nowhere in there do i remember that your water may leak, and not break ;) I'm here to tell you that it can happen- and did to me, with both children of mine. :) Anyhow, the pregnancy was perfect- not an ounce of morning sickness, no terrible health problems or weird body functions- and I gained a mere 22lbs. Don't hate me, I held on to most of it afterwards. Ugh.

My "break" was more than made up for when it came time to give birth- as I said, I was at work. I went to use the restroom, flushed, and went to wash my hands when I felt this "pop"- almost as if someone had "flicked" me from the inside. But there was no rush of water, and so I thought that maybe the baby had just kicked me a funny way.

I worked all day, an 8 hour shift, and had minimal leaking. I honestly thought that I had just started losing bladder control. I was exactly 2 weeks away from my due date, and it was New years Eve.

I came home and showered, and went to dinner and then to bowling. But then by this point the leaking had picked up, so we paid a call to the doctor, who told me to come in. Lo and behold, I was 2 cm dilated, and my water had indeed broken. They checked me into my room just in enough time for me to watch the New Years Eve ball drop with my mom in bed :)

To make up for that model pregnancy, my labor was 21 hours of sheer hell on my body. They started me on Pitocin- the devils brew, I like to call it. If you've never experienced it, I would never wish it on anyone. I have a very high threshold for pain, but I was no match for this. They "upped" the dose every 30 minutes, and about 10 hours later I started blacking out from the pain. 3 hours after that, 13 hours total, I was only 3cm. 5 hours from that, 18 hours total, I was at a 5 and nearly psychotic. I was in so much pain that I was blacking out between every contraction, but I had a very old fashioned doctor who refused to give me an epidural. He eventually "allowed" me a sleeping pill and shot of Demerol that did nothing. Finally, my nurse told him that if he didn't give me something, I was going to stall the labor due to the pain, and we needed to get that baby out since it was already well past 24 hours since my water had started- the baby should be out within 24 hours because of the risk of infection.

Finally after 18 hours and a few minutes, I was given an epidural. I don't think I've ever sat so still and so quiet in my life while they put that thing in. I was just desperate for relief! I had the sweetest older lady who took care of me, who actually came out of there crying because she knew how much pain I was in, but I didn't move a muscle.

3 hours after the epidural, a nurse came into my room with a very nonchalant attitude to check me. I had problems with the medication delivery of the epidural and the dose had to be upped. This caused me to feel NOTHING at all, and so I had no clue that I should have even been feeling pressure down there. The nurse comes in just for a routine check, to find my daughter crowning, which was new news to all of us, including myself. LoL She has me push the call button, and is holding daughter in with one hand and yelling for a doctor with another. 5 pushes later, 10 minutes, she was out, barely a New Years Day baby- born at 9:56pm. :) So I may have had a terrible labor, but the delivery was much better.

Adjusting to life at home with a newborn was interesting. My labor was so difficult that they kept me in the hospital for 4 days- I wasn't allowed to walk up stairs or anything, and boy did I have cabin fever by the time I got out of there! Husband was in his last and hardest semester of school, and it was really crunch time. With no chance for me to get a decent job, we knew he had to graduate on time, it was our only hope. So,I lived with my parents for the first two months. I appreciated the help, but I was SO ready to be able to do my own thing. In between the chaos of the pregnancy and everything else going on, we got married a mere two weeks before I gave birth- which was supposed to be a month before I gave birth, but she had other plans ;) It just felt weird to be a married mother of 1, living with my parents. I was married, had a baby, and moved all within a 3 month time span. And at this point, I was only 20 years old.

Now that I've shared a small part of my story, I'd like to say this- I like to think that most any situation can be turned into a positive, or at least try. It is very rare that anything about a teenage pregnancy can be considered "good" timing, but to work with what we had, we had as good of timing as we could get. Husband graduated with an engineering degree when daughter was only 4 months old, got a great job with the federal government, and we moved 2 hours from home into "our" first place. We had some help in the beginning, but once he had a job we were on our own and it felt so good. The sudden flood of important life events and adjustments wasn't easy, but we made it. We had a great support system of family and friends, and it meant a lot.

Looking back, obviously I would have waited to have a baby if I had to choose.I know, I had a choice- birth control. But I don't take it- still don't- and we got careless and felt bulletproof. A surprise pregnancy can be so stressful on the parents, but also on their circle of family and friends. I missed out on a lot of things- going away to college, living on my own, things that most people hate when they do them, but you also miss them if you don't ever get to do them. I lost a lot of friends because I wasn't "cool" anymore- I didn't want to go out and party until 2am, or take weekend trips all the time. And even if I wanted to, I couldn't.

We truly made the best of our situation, and while at times it's not been anywhere close to being easy, we've made it through. Husband still has the same great job, and he's had many raises and promotions in the process. I went back to school when daughter was 3 and got my nursing license, and that next spring we had our second child- a son. One who is wild and I'm almost certain there can be none out there like him, but that's a whole other story :) LOL. I am so grateful and so fortunate for what we have, because I know that it doesn't come close to turning out good for a lot of young moms. I would never trade my daughter for the world. She brings me such joy and she's so loving and such a wonderful little person. It's hard to believe that she's 6 now. I'll never forget the journey I had to becoming her mom, she saved me, she made me grow up sooner than I should have- but I was also on a path going nowhere fast. I don't want to think about where I would be in life if I hadn't had her. The journey of my pregnancy with my son was a totally different experience from day 1, but mostly in a good way since he was a planned baby. I'll save that for another time.

Thanks for letting me share a part of my life with you all- I apologize for being behind on my posts, but better late than never! ;)

Chantelle

Accidental Lessons

2009-04-29T06:54:00.001-07:00

I'm not exactly sure how old I was; maybe I was about 8. I spent all kinds of time with my grandfather while my parents worked at a local sewing factory. Spring and summer were my favorite seasons because we would plant his garden together and tend to it and plan our entries for the county fair. He was my best friend.

It was during planting one year when he said one thing that has stuck with me for my entire life and will be passed on to my children and my grandchildren. We were planting 18 cabbage plants and he looked at me and said, "Always remember one thing Bear. It's ok to plant them deep and make sure you pack the soil firmly so that they will stand tall like soldiers."

Every spring I plant our flowers and putter in our yard and every spring I hear his voice echoing in my ears. This past weekend I watched my children pot some flowers that I bought for them and I heard myself saying, "Make them stand tall like soldiers."

I know when he said it he had no idea that he was impacting me in such a profound way. He was talking about his garden. But this is a lesson that reaches way beyond the garden gate. As mothers we strive to plant our children's roots deep. We want them to be grounded in faith, morals, joy, and strength. We tend them and we try to pack those life lessons in firmly so that one day our children can stand tall - like soldiers. One day they will be able to reach down to those deep roots and make a firm decision or take a strong stand.

My grandfather never intended to teach me all of that. But he said it and it stuck. And it grew. As I approach mothering every day I have to remind myself that every accidental lesson is a lesson just the same. Do I lose my temper? Do I use patience? Do I love freely? Do I demonstrate kindness to strangers?

May our best lessons be better than accidental. May our lessons be intentional and create strong children to stand tall in the days to come.

Come Join Us!

2009-04-28T19:47:00.000-07:00

While the new site is not all prettied up and completely ready to go, we wanted to give you the opportunity to browse around and sign up!

You can visit us at our soon-to-be new nest and be sure to comment on the Mommy Mentor page so that we know all you are there!

Part 3.....

2009-04-27T19:04:00.000-07:00

Hey Y'all! It's Nicole again, writing Part 3.....

So after Kaylyn's arrival, I took my FMLA allotted 12 weeks maternity leave and went back to work on day shift after my leave was over. Our life rocked along pretty smoothly until Winter '03, just after Kaylyn's 2nd birthday. Baby fever hit, and hit HARD. We both really wanted another baby, but neither of us were sure if the timing was right. Our finances played a major part in making this decision. A new baby would mean we would have to pay for daycare x's 2. Not cheap. We prayed about it and finally we got our "sign." This "sign" was Kaylyn's almost immediate potty-training on the day when she told me she would use the potty. (Seriously, One day I asked her when she was going to use the potty. Her response, "Friday...." and she did...the following Friday.) Good enough for me! One month later, I was taking an EPT. This time I was ecstatic when the pink lines appeared. As excited as we were, no matter how badly we wanted this baby, it was not meant to be. On August 13, at 10 weeks, I miscarried.

If you've never experienced a miscarriage, there's no way to describe the emotions that it entails. I would in no way compare it to the loss of a child you've birthed and raised but it's a loss, none-the-less. A loss that there is no closure for. There's no funeral or memorial service. Your pregnant one day, and it's gone the next. Such and "empty" feeling.

After the miscarriage, getting pregnant again became an obsession. So much so, that I PLANNED an August baby.....in Alabama. HOT, HOT, HOT!! After a miscarriage, they recommend waiting 3 months before trying to get pregnant again. Of course I was not too keen about this plan, but the fact that there is an increased risk of a second miscarriage for pregnancies occurring less than 3 months after miscarriage, I decided to follow my docs advice for once in my life. Failed to get pregnant on the first month. Sobbed like a baby. The second month...JACKPOT! 2 pink lines on the EPT!

As happy as I was, I was terrified. Pretty uneventful pregnancy with the exceptions of the noticeable differences from my first pregnancy. I was wearing maternity clothes at 3 1/2 months, as opposed to 7 1/2 months with Kaylyn. The swelling was horrible. I couldn't even dream of getting my size 4 1/2 wedding bands on. Just for fun, I tried on my friend's size 8 ring , couldn't even get it past my knuckle. At 28 weeks Pregnancy Induced Hypertension (PIH), followed by Gestational Diabetes reared their ugly heads. My PIH was pretty mild until 36 weeks when I went to the hospital one night with my blood pressure extremely elevated. I was discharged that night and placed on bed rest. No easy feat with a, then, 3 year old. 2 days later I returned for my follow-up appointment. My blood pressure was still too high. Sent again to L and D for observation. This time there were regular contractions on the monitors about 4 minutes apart. I never felt any of them. Later that day, still contracting, B/P still elevated, and after being examined, I had dilated to 3 cm. My OB decide it was time to deliver.

I was moved to a room, placed on a pitocin drip and my epidural started almost simultaneously. (They knew about the troubles with my previous epidural, and rapid labor) I never felt a single contraction. 3 hours later after pushing 3 times, Luke Christopher arrived weighing in at 6 lbs 10oz, 21 1/2 inches. He was pretty big for a 36 weeker!

Kaylyn couldn't have been happier. She was so proud to meet the baby brother she had been so patiently awaiting. We were the proud parents of 2 beautiful, healthy children.

Love the look on her face here!

First family pic. Ignore my blimplike physique...Told ya, the swelling was horrible!

New Week, New Updates

2009-04-27T16:34:00.000-07:00

Hey lovely ladies. We begin this week with excitement and anticipation of opening the new Making A Mommy location! Clarissa has been busting out tons of behind the scenes stuff so that we can get going with the new Ning site. That's right, a whole community devoted to Mommy Mentors and the goal of helping new moms around the country! We are both so giddy with joy!

In other news, A just told me that her mucus plug came out. For those of you who never lost one or saw one, I can only describe it in a way that would make you lose your appetite...so I won't. I will save that for a whole different post, complete with illustrations. I'm kidding....sort of. Anyway, it will not be long now until A is in labor and I'm praying that it happens without an induction because I know how long those can take if your body is not yet ready to deliver. Plus, the baby may not be really ready. Please keep A in your prayers and I will keep you all posted on her progress.
I'm off to make dinner for my brood now. Stay tuned for more info on changes and be thinking about who you would like to nominate for our Mother's Day contest. More details tomorrow!

~Kadi

On the Horizon for Making a Mommy

2009-04-27T09:26:00.001-07:00

Hello Mommy Mentors and Friends!

I just wanted to share with you all some exciting stuff about the next step for Making A Mommy. Kadi & I are taking this team and mommy village to another platform and we want to make sure all of you wonderful people follow us there.

If you are a Contributor, please email me, Clarissa, at info@theposhparent.com and include a short bio and picture of you and your lil ones. Also, be sure to let me know which website you want linked to your name. I know a few of you have more than one blog so just let me know. :)

You will all be invited to the new site once it is all set up and ready for you to take over! Stay tuned!

Continuing the Story.....

2009-04-26T17:42:00.000-07:00

Part 2 of The Story of My Life....

Hey Y'all,

It' Nicole again. Thought I would continue enlightening you about my past....

After I FINALLY gained the acceptance that I was in fact a soon-to-be mommy, we told the fam. They were somewhat excited but more shocked and worried. They were excited about the fact that there would be a new addition to the family. They were worried because, although neither of us had told our families of our marriage troubles, they knew there was trouble in paradise. Their concerns were never voiced, but Chris and I both knew the feelings of mixed emotion were there. We decided to just let it go. Both families tend to offer unwanted advice, and get pretty disgruntled when said advice is not taken. (Yeah, we learned early on to just listen to them, give a courteous nod, then go on about our business. No point in arguing.)

As the weeks and months passed quickly, Chris and I were working hard to repair our new marriage. Slowly (and I mean VERY slowly) our relationship improved. Chris was beyond excited about the new baby. As for me...well those maternal feelings had not yet kicked in. In fact, I really didn't feel anything. Nothing. I didn't feel pregnant. No morning sickness. No tiredness. No hormone surges. No swollen breasts. I wasn't even gaining weight. Nothing. Not that I'm complaining, but where were all the pregnancy symptoms everyone kept telling me about? Don't worry, they were coming.

At 16 weeks I started with morning sickness. Then the swollen, sore breasts. Then the hormones, ohmygoodness, the hormones. Everything hit me at once. I know, most of this should have been over by this point, especially the morning sickness. What can I say? I'm complicated like that. At 20 weeks, my OB sent me for my glucose tolerance test because I was spilling glucose into my urine. Failed the one hour test, but passed the 3 hour test. I was diagnosed with glucose intolerance and was placed on a modified version of the gestational diabetes diet, which was basically cutting out sweets and empty carbs. Almost immediately, the morning sickness resolved and I felt much better. All of the sugar my body was unable to metabolize was causing me to feel so rotten. The remainder of my pregnancy was a breeze. We found out mid-September we would be having a baby girl.

I didn't really gain weight or grow a big baby belly until I was about 30 weeks, I just looked like I had gained about 20 pounds. I was one of those women who got out of bed one morning suddenly looking pregnant. I literally gained 25 pounds in 6 weeks.

The big day came on February 12, 2001, eight days before my due date. I was still working full-time, still working 3pm-3am. On this day I had stayed late waiting on my relief. I got home and into bed at around 5:30 in the morning. At 9:00 I started having some REALLY bad "gas" pains and some REALLY bad diarrhea. It was vomiting/diarrhea season and I worked in a pediatric ER; there had been kids puking on me all week. I thought I had a stomach flu. When these "gas" pains kept getting worse, I started noticing that they were coming about every 2 minutes. I thought that I might be having contractions, but they felt nothing like the "really bad period cramps" everyone had told me about. I felt more like I was being ripped into pieces. Called my doctor, told him what was going on. He wanted to see me in the office. In the mean time I had called Chris home from work. We made the hour's drive, in the pouring rain, in heavy traffic to the hospital. The pains were coming faster and harder. I was screaming at Chris that he would have to drive faster. By this point I was scared to death.

When we FINALLY made it to the hospital. My doc examined me, I was only dilated 1 1/2-2cm, and not effaced. He said he didn't think I was in labor, but would send me to L and D for observation. At this point I literally screamed in the man's face "Well if it isn't labor, you're going to have to make WHATEVER this is STOP, and STOP IT NOW!!!" He just looked at me and said,"they're waiting for you on the 3rd floor. Give this paper to the nurse."

We made our way to L and D, Chris decided he wanted to stop by the soda machine. Well, this just completely made me blow my lid. He whined, "But I'm thirsty..." I growled back "I don't care! My stomach hurts! Let's GO!!!"

We finally made it to the triage room. I was placed on monitors and examined. Guess what? BIG contractions on the monitors. At this point I was dilated to 3 cm. That's right folks, I had dilated a whole cm in the 10 minutes it took for us to walk to L and D. Chris started trying to call the fam. Couldn't get anyone. My dad was in a meeting, my mom was on a field trip with her kindergarten class. Chris' parents were both working and he couldn't get them. He left messages everywhere. Luckily everyone got their messages and arrived just in time, literally.

About 30 minutes after they got me all hooked up, my water broke. It was definite, we were going to have a baby that day. What shocked me was when the nurse examined me at this point. I was 4 1/2 cm. They packed me up and wheeled me down the hall to my room, which took about 15 minutes. When they examined me again, I was 8 cm and BEGGING anyone who would listen for an epidural. The anesthesiologist made his way to my room, demanding the results of labs that had just been drawn. I yelled at him "They're fine, let's go! Get that needle in!" He rolled his eyes and continued to look for my labs. After what seemed like hours, (in actuality only about 3 minutes) they got them back. He could proceed with my epidural. Thank you! I have pretty significant scoliosis, so this was no easy task. After 4 attempts he finally got it in, and I got some relief.

My mom arrived just after my epidural was placed. The school bus driver had gotten the call on his emergency phone (no one carried cell phones at this time) and dropped off at the hospital. Chris' parents arrived around the same time. Just as she walked in the door, the nurse examined me and I was dilated to 10 cm and 100% effaced. Time to push! Chris and I had decided we didn't want a room full of people during delivery, so everyone was escorted out to the waiting room.

The staff got me all prepped and ready to go. My dad finally made it to the hospital. He stuck his head in the door to say hello (I was literally in stirrups at this point). I waved hello and told him I was fine and the nurses shooed him out the door.

Pushed for 15 minutes, through 5 contractions (would have been less, but the baby was having some decels and taking too long to recover so I had to push every other contraction). Kaylyn Brooke arrived at 1:53 pm weighing in at 6 lbs 4 oz, 21 1/2 inches long. Our lives were forever changed!

Here are some pics from the day she was born.

Part 3 coming soon.... I promise it won't be so long!

Things you REALLY need to know

2009-04-25T06:54:00.000-07:00

When a woman is pregnant, if she is like I was, she'll read every bit of literature pertaining to the impending birth and rearing of the new life.

Of course, I haven't read a pregnancy book in over ten years, so the times may have changed, but here is an excerpt of the list of things the books don't tell you. Maybe they should, but then again, if the goal is to continue the human race, somethings need to be discovered or we'd never have more than one child.

Here is my list, not in any particular order:
1. Never again will you be able to do your business in the bathroom without someone on the other side with IMPORTANT information.

2.The husband will resort back to the teenage years trying to get you have sex anywhere, quickly, all for the purpose of just doing it.

3. Siblings that were so carefully planned will not like each other. In fact, personality wise they will be polar opposites and wouldn't be friends even if they weren't related.

4. The bleeding after the birth is NOT LIKE A NORMAL PERIOD. (That could have been just me, but oh my. The bleeding.)

5. When they learn to read they will use it against you. Like looking at the caller ID.

6. They will remember things like, "Two weeks ago you said we'd go to Target this Saturday," but didn't remember that it was their day to unload the dishwasher.

7. The unexpected things will make your heart want to explode. The other day, my 10-year old whispers in my ear at Penney's, "I love you." I thought I was going to cry right there. Just minutes earlier he was whining about something.

8. While in the car, if a favorite song comes on the radio and you turn it up to sing along, someone will have something very important to say causing you to turn it back down.

9. The cost of formula and diapers matches the national deficit.

10. Things will happen either after the office closes or on the weekend. Things like fevers, rashes, or cuts needing medical attention.

My list continues to grow. But I have another list for another time that spells out all the things I would have missed had I not had these three gorgeous creatures.

Deeper shade of blue

2009-04-24T18:15:00.000-07:00

My husband came home the other night and was talking about his market manager's problem. This market manager's wife just had their first baby in March. The other day she texted him things like, "I hate you," or "You run off to work and leave me here to deal with this."

I looked at my husband and said, "Call him right now, and tell him to get his wife to the doctor. Now."

The look on his face broke my heart. He said, "I saw the signs. I already told him."

This woman, if you hadn't figured it out, is suffering from severe postpartum depression.

The reason that I know?

I had the same thing after my boys were born.

It wasn't as bad after Nicholas was born. I was hospitalized but they didn't recognize it as such at the time--he was four months old.

By the time I had Darrin, a mere eleven months later, the doctor knew I was sick.

Everyone expects the baby-blues. It is a normal progression of the hormones getting back on track.

The reason that I am blogging this is that I want women (and their significant others) to understand that this is NOT normal behavior, but it okay and necessary to seek treatment. People sometimes have a tendency to want to dismiss any and all the symptoms. I am not sure why really. But ladies, there is a YEAR of my son's life that I don't remember. My sister-in-law won't talk to me anymore. (Story for another day.) Had my husband had this sort of information, we may could have cut this thing off at the pass.

My hope is that as women, if we band together, we can keep this happening from another person.

I found this great site:

What is the difference between “baby blues,” postpartum depression, and postpartum psychosis?

Educate. Recognize. Accept.

What I wouldn't give for that first year....

Joining The Team....

2009-04-24T17:09:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone! My name is Nicole. I guess I am the newest member of the Mommy Mentors. I want to thank Kadi for allowing me this opportunity. This is such a great blog that I wish was around 8 1/2 years ago when I became a Mommy. I am looking forward to this new adventure.

About me....I am a 31 year old mother of two, Kaylyn is 8 and Luke is 4. My husband Chris and I have been married 9 1/2 years. I am a Southern Gal, from a small town, about 30 miles north of Birmingham, Alabama. I am a pediatric emergency room nurse at The Children's Hospital of Alabama. Kaylyn is on a competition dance team and Luke has just started his first year of Tee Ball. I am in school taking online courses to compete the BSN degree I started 10 years ago. Chris works hard to provide for us, and at this time his job is forcing him to travel 5 hours away every week. (I have a new found respect for single moms) He hates it, I hate it, the kids hate it, but with the current economic situation, there's not much that can be done about it right now. That just about sums up the basics.

Now. Down to the nitty gritty. At the ripe old age of 21, Chris and I were married on November 6, 1999, 5 1/2 months after I graduated from nursing school, 3 1/2 months after I started working in the ER. So, in the span of 6 month's I had graduated college, started a career (my first REAL job), gotten married, and moved out of my parent's house. (Yes I was sheltered, lived there until the day I married). To say our first year of marriage was rocky would be a major understatement. We fought constantly over anything and everything. At that time I was working 3pm-3am, which in and of itself is not very condusive to married life. Because of our work schedules, we basically saw each other in passing. On July 4, 2000, it occured to me that I had not had a period since the beginning of May. I started praying. Prayed all the way to the drug store and back home. Prayed while I waited for the results of the EPT I had just purchased (so embarrassed about buying it, I couldn't look the cashier in the eye). Cried when that magic pink line appeared. I had bought a double pack, so I thought to myself, "these things have to be wrong some of the time. What other reason would they have for selling them in packs of two?" Took the second test. Again, 2 pink lines. I'm shaking and sobbing at this point. Still in denial, back to the drug store I go. Luckily there was a different cashier there. I buy 2 more double packs, of different brands. As I pee on the stick four more times, I'm thinking to myself, "Surely ONE of these will be negative." They all, one by one were positive, for a total of 6, yes S-I-X positive home pregnancy test. Yes, folks, those little pink pills must be taken every single day!

At this point I had to face reality, like or not, I was going to be some body's mommy. I began to question God. Why would He do this to me? I can barely take care of myself, how does He expect me to take care of a baby? We can't afford a baby, how does He expect us to provide for him or her? And speaking of Us, we can't stand each other right now. Our marriage is circling the drain, and He has decided now is a good time to bless us with a baby??? God doesn't make mistakes. Things happen on HIS time not our time. He knew I was at the point of bailing out of my marriage, ignoring the vows I had made before Him just a few short months before. God provided me with a permanent link to my husband, one that would never be broken. He knew how important family was to me, and He also knew how I felt about raising children in a loving, nurturing family, with 2 parents who LOVE each other. He knew Chris felt the same way. In other words, He forced us to stop being spoiled brats, and start treating each other with respect. By blessing us with a baby, He provided a reason for us to heal our marriage.

More to come later..... Gotta get Luke to Tee-Ball practice.

Our family. This was taken last summer on our family beach trip.

Visit my blog at http://www.kaylynandluke.blogspot.com/

A Rocky Mtn Intro

2009-04-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

I'm Melissa D. and it's a pleasure to be here! I must admit, I have stalked every one of the other team members' blogs and it's a privilege to be a part of this awesome crew. The amazing Kadi is my darling younger cousin and I sincerely thank her for letting me tag along. From the looks of things, at thirty*cough*something, I do believe I'm the eldest of the bunch. Dang it! ;o)

My journey to motherhood has been a twisty one. In 2005 Darling Husband and I tried to start a little brood of our own. Since neither of us were spring chickens, time was of the essence and we gave ourselves a year. No pressure, right? Ah HA! If we hadn't conceived by then we were on to Plan B.. adoption. During that year I did my homework on all the different types of adoption (fost/adopt, private and international) because I'm a "just in case" kind of girl.

The year came and went with no luck and The Plan was set into motion.

What spoke to our hearts was fostering to adopt. Kids in need were right in our own backyard and to us it made perfect sense. In July of 2008 we became certified with a local county and in January of 2009 got "The Call" for our placements.. darling 4 1/2 year old twins I call Jack and Jill**.

To say it has been a roller coaster of emotions is an understatement but at the end of the day, we love them down to our souls. Trust me, love doesn't care about DNA. Our case is still geared towards reunification with their birth mom and all we can do is pray for strength no matter what the outcome. I blog our adventures at Full Circle.

So excited for the opportunity to contribute (thanks again, Kadi!)

~Melissa D.

**Not their real names!

Kudos From Supernanny!

2009-04-23T11:28:00.001-07:00

Ok, Zookeeper. That is just not fair to have two months of pregnancy and a 3 hour labor!! Holy cow!
Anyway, I want to let you all know that I will be at Downtown Disney this Saturday to see Jo Frost. I'm sure you know that we were on Supernanny...blah, blah, blah...so that is how I know Jo. I told Jo about the "Making A Mommy" venture and she paid the site a visit. She loves our concept, so let's keep up the good work! It is nice to have compliments from a lady who devotes her life to helping moms. :)
I also wanted to tell you that Supernanny.com is holding a contest on their forums to win a phone call from Jo. Since I blog for the site, I get all the insider info! I wanted to let you know that you can visit the new forum and find out about the contest there. Please let all of your mom friends know about the contest if you think they would be interested in it!
Have a great Thursday!

Chapter 3/4: Speed Birth and Heartbreak

2009-04-23T06:23:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to The Zookeeper Lessons.

Well, obviously from Lesson #2, you probably figured out that we got things settled just in time for Mo's arrival. We even managed to squeeze in a baby shower (the only one I ever got to have) and elopement with the JP. Mo was born two months to the day from the initial test.

Now the Mommy Mentors who had hard deliveries should probably look away for a minute. I'll tell it quickly and quietly so it is easier to ignore. She was born on three hours of labor and no drugs. Gotta love the band-aid approach. Just rip it off and be done. Happy, healthy and perfect.

Fast forward nine months when I got to call my parents and say, "Happy Anniversary! Your gift will be here in approximately seven and a half months." That's right campers. Another pill and breastfeeding baby. Thou shalt not rely on a single version of birth control. That wasn't the Zookeeper Lesson - just a freebie!

This time I was aware of the pregnancy the entire time and it was taxing, trying and downright uncomfotable. Kinda like pregnancy is supposed to be! We clicked along neatly for 7 1/2 months with no complications and no worries. Then I woke up Good Friday morning just feeling "off." I wasn't too concerned because I had the day off to prepare for my parents who were coming to visit for Easter. I even sent Beloved out to the golf course and took Mo to school like usual.

I remember telling my boss that there was a very good chance I might be in labor. Still, I went home and packed a bag and waited two more hours to call the doctor. I still had a full six weeks to go so I was sure it was just Braxton Hicks. Unfortunately I ended up calling Beloved off the 12th hole for another three hour delivery.

This time though I didn't get to go home with my baby. He ended up spending the next two weeks (which is really no time at all I know now) in NICU until he could breath on his own. We endured a collapsed lung, chest tube and ventilator and I went home empty handed.

The Zookeeper Lesson #3. Heartbreak and tears are a part of motherhood. Sometimes it will be your children's tears that break your heart. Sometimes it will be your own tears shed over your children. But the answer lies in the same broken heart. Keep the love. Nurture it and tend it well and the very love that causes the heartbreak will also bring the healing.

Mentor Update

2009-04-22T16:09:00.000-07:00

Wow, this place is really growing with new mommy mentors! I'm loving it! First, a big thank you to all of the moms who are giving the time to help in this venture. Time is precious and I know how hard it is to squeeze one more activity into an already full day. I think we will all find that in exchange for this sacrifice, we will all be blessed.
Second, I want to advise all mentors that some changes are in store, but not to worry. Clarissa (whose post is just below this one,) and I have decided to team up and take this idea a step further in order to make it more organized and effective for the people who visit us. We will be emailing you all with more information, so please look for that in the next week or so.
On a more personal note, I am having a hard time with the girl I am mentoring. She did contact me today, as I suspected she would. Her induction is scheduled to be performed at 39 weeks, despite having no medical problems. She just wants the baby out. She texted me with a message that she is not ready as far as having what she needs for the baby. One part of me wants to go and buy what she needs, but my more rational side knows that she is just manipulating me. I am struggling with this inner conflict. Any suggestions?
~Kadi

Daddy's Home! Can I Pee Alone Now?

2009-04-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

I'm Mommy Mentor, Clarissa and I just want to pee alone. I'm not kidding when I tell you that when Daddy gets home, I go to the restroom and close the door and that sometimes is only a twice a week thing.

I'm married to my hubster Joe who I met while I was a single mama of 1 lovely little lady, Mikayla who is now almost 7. Joe & I have a son together who just turned 3 and we live in upstate NY which is all the way on the other side of the country from ALL of our family & friends. Well, I lied--his lil sister lives in New Jersey but that is 3 hours away...so, not exactly a hop, skip and jump away.

My daughter is bi-racial. She doesn't really "get it" at this point. She knows that she is half African-American and half Hispanic but she doesn't get that her "dad" {her biological father} is not in her life. See, she has a Dad who raised her for 2 1/2 years who she still talks to and visits and she has Daddy Joey who has been here since she was 3 1/2. Yeah, it's complicated and it's a long story. I guess we can go over that as this journey progresses.

I hope to bring to you my stories of all my struggles and all my joys and I hope that you can see how wonderful God has been to me all the while. I'm the happiest I have ever been and I work more than you can imagine. My priorities are in line and I intend to keep them that way...but, sometimes I really just want to be alone...even if for a moment of silence. Well, silence minus the sound of pee. ;)

Hello: My Name is Mommy

2009-04-21T18:06:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow. Mommy Bloggers! My name is Heather. Thank-you so much to Kadi for having the faith in me and allow me to be a part of an obviously talented group.

I have been married to my husband, Big Daddy, for ten years. We have three children: Jessica, 16 (in a week); Nicholas, 10; and Darrin, 9. Jessica actually lives with my parents; they live just three houses away. But I am as involved with her life as I am the boys'. More to come on that subject later.

Currently, I am in school full-time completing my Elementary Education degree. I also work as a substitute teacher. So, I am around kids ALL. THE. TIME.

Motherhood has brought lots of challenges-some were expected, and some I couldn't have imagined. At the end of the day, there isn't anything better than knowing I am someone's mother.

I look forward to this new bloggy adventure. It truly does take a village.

You can also find me at Cool and Hip, I am Not.

Chapter 2: A Two Month Pregnancy

2009-04-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

I like to do things on the fast track. Start a project, beat a project to death, be done. That's my way. "But Sarah! Babies take a full 40 weeks to cook. You can't rush that or shorten it in anyway. "

Sure you can! You can be oblivious, naive and me!

So we already established that Mo was a surprise. But the bigger surprise came when we went to the doctor the next week. I had been on the pill. I had been having regular (if a little lighter) periods (which I blamed on the pill). I had only gained about 10 pounds which I attributed from going from running a mile a day to eating a bag of chips a day when I moved in with Beloved. And (please don't hate me Crystal!) I had had NO morning sickness.

Imagine my shock when the doc measured me, took my blood, and told me I was either seven months along or having twins. I had been going out 3 nights a weekend and having my share of adult beverages. I had made a Memorial Day trip to New Orleans (not the most sober of places you know). I had been eating what ever I felt like when ever I felt like it and there had been no exercise (aside from the obvious)! Now the doc was telling me I had two months to get married, get healthy, move into a bigger apartment, set up a nursery, attend birthing classes, get a car that fit a carseat, pack a bag and have a baby.

I didn't go back to work after my appointment. I think I went home and got sick.

The Zookeeper Mommy Lesson #2. Mothers have more strength, determination, focus and stamina than they will ever give themselves credit for or admit they have. We think we can't possibly pull something off. It looks completely impossible, improbable and scary as hell. We don't believe in ourselves enough.

But when the rubber hits the road and it's make it or break it time; when our families, our children, and in essence, our lives are hanging in the balance, we will pull out all the stops, fight like banshees and make it happen. There is a strength that comes with being a mother that no one but a mother will ever understand.

Multi Tasking Mama Intro

2009-04-21T05:53:00.000-07:00

Hello, Mommies! I am excited to be a part of this site and be able to help Kadi out- she is a true multi-tasking mama! I have been following this blog for awhile because the premise really resonated with me.
I got pregnant with my oldest son, Jared, when I was 16. I was already living on my own (yucky family situations) but being a parent was something I was not at all prepared for. Thankfully, I had a mentor. One of my dad's ex's took me under her wing and showed me the ropes of pregnancy. When you are an admittedly vain teen, the changes to your body are downright scary. Then God (didn't know it was Him at the time LOL) brought an awesome man into my life who not only fell in love with me but my unborn baby. He is the only father Jared has ever known and we have now been married for almost twelve years.

Jared was born five weeks early so not only did I have my first baby at 17 but he was a preemie, with an infection that kept him in the hospital for a week and no sucking reflex (this makes breastfeeding rather difficult). Because he was tiny and fragile, I was scared to death I was going to hurt him. He did end up rolling off the couch at three weeks old because I fell asleep while feeding him- no damage though ;p. I'm proud to say that he is healthy, smart, athletic and well adjusted, despite the fact that I'm his mama.
I became a statistic when I got pregnant with Matt when Jared was just six months old. A statistic because over 1/3 of girls that get pregnant as a teen will have another child within the following 18 months. I certainly didn't set out to get pregnant again (birth control pills and antibiotics don't mix) and felt completely overwhelmed at the thought of another baby so soon. I ended up suffering from severe post-partum depression for several months after Matt was born.
Then, in God's perfect timing (though it didn't seem like that at the time) when Matt was 18 months and Jared was almost three, we got custody of my husband's five year old (from a previous relationship). At 20 years old, I was the mom of three, five and under. The funny thing is people from my mom's group would ask me for advice even though they were much older than me.
I don't regret a thing, because I know that all experiences and situations lead us down the path God has for us. Not to say that it has been easy by any stretch. I so look forward to sharing the things I have learned with mama's online as I do with teen parents in my local area.

I sincerely look forward to what God has in store for this site!

Melissa Multi-Tasking Mama

Hi there! I'm Crystal, nice to meet you.

2009-04-20T18:04:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to say Thank you to Kadi for allowing me to be a part of this team. Also thank you for such a wonderful site for moms and moms to be. I am so excited to be part of it.

I am a 30 (sniff, sniff) year old SAHM of three boys ages 5,4, and 2. I have been married to my wonderful husband for 6 years now. I love being able to stay at home with my kids. Everyday I learn something new.

I had really hard pregnancies with each of my boys. I had hyperemesis, which basically means the morning sickness that normal pregnant women get that lasts about 12 weeks, for me was all day and night sickness that lasted 5 months. So I am an expert at (puking) getting past morning sickness! Don't hate me but I did have really easy deliveries with all my kids and each one was extremely different. But after all that puking...I deserved it! Ha!

People tell me I am a good mom although I definitely have my moments that I think I am not(Like last week when my oldest(5) told the cashier at Home Depot that she was fat, holy embarrassing batman!). I think we all go through those moments. My kids are really great and the light of my world. I am very happy with my life and try to live it to the fullest. I just need about 8 more hours in each day and maybe someone to fold my laundry(the job i dread the most), is that too much to ask?

Well I look forward to getting to know all of you. Take care!

My Intro- Chantelle

2009-04-20T11:03:00.000-07:00

Nice to meet you all! Thank you so much Kadi, for allowing me to contribute to this blog. I look forward to being a part of it!

I'll tell you all a little about myself. My name is Chantelle, I'm 26, married for 6 years, and a mother of two- a 6yr old daughter, and freshly-turned-2 son. :) I was born in raised in a very small town- Beckley, West Virginia, and just last year we moved to Florida. I am an LPN (Licensed practical Nurse), but currently my main and most important title is stay at home mom. I'm also returning to school this fall to pursue my RN.

I too was a young mom. I got pregnant with my oldest when I was 19- I was unmarried (engaged), with no formal education beyond high school,and the daughter AND granddaughter of preachers. It was a long, emotional, scary, and sometimes embarrassing journey. But I'm living proof that it is possible to come out ok on the other side, and I can't wait to share my experiences. :) Like most young moms, I had to grow up fast. I changed who I was, I lost a lot of friends in the process. I understand how it feels to suddenly not be "cool" to your friends anymore because you don't feel like being out until 2am, or because you don't want to go to a party. I've been through it all!

We got married just a few short weeks before I was due with our daughter. Going from being a semi carefree teen, to all of the sudden being married, moving out, and having a baby all within a one month time span was sometimes more than I thought I could take. But I've evolved in the process. I've changed, I've grown. I've conquered. ;)

I look forward to being a part of this blog, and I hope that I have some things of value to share that will help someone :) For anyone who wants to follow my main blog, it's Tales From FL

Hello Everyone I am Debbi : )

2009-04-20T11:01:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

First of all thank you, so much Kadi for allowing me to join such a wonderful team of mommy mentors. I really look forward to being a part of this team. I am so exciting to see what topics we will be talking about and giving my support.

I'm Debbi, mother of two children. I have one of each my son Brennan is 9 1/2 and my daughter Diora will be 7 the end of July. I am very lucky to be able to stay at home with my beautiful children.

My wonderful husband and I grew up across the street from one another. So I was the girl across the street LOL. We have been together for over 17 years and married for over 13 years. My children keep me very busy and they both are very active children. I am sure everyone with children can relate. I feel like I am always trying to keep up with them and everything going on.

My son Brennan is in karate and earned his green belt last month. He worked really hard to get here and we are extremely proud of him. Heck we all worked hard to help him get here LOL. I really enjoy helping my son practice and watching him do his thing.

My daughter Diora has not yet found her niche. We would really like to get her involved in something soon. She like to play jump rope, ride her bike outside with her brother, play hopscotch and play her Nintendo DS with her brother

I have a love for fitness and most days after I drop the kids off at school I head to the gym to take class(es). I enjoyed aerobic step classes so much that last summer I went to get my group ex certification to teach. I have been working with someone off and on at my gym.

I look forward to learning from other moms and sharing what I have learned as a mother. : )

You can also find me at my personal blog. http://thelavenderloft.blogspot.com/

Nice to meet ya, I'm Jolene!

2009-04-20T09:55:00.000-07:00

Hola!

First, I'd like to say thank-you to Kadi for letting me join in on her awesome team of mommy mentors. I'm super excited and can't wait to see what the topics of discussions will be.

I'm Jolene, mama to three beautiful boys-Ethan is 7, Dima is 4 and Warrick is 1. I am fortunate to be married to my wonderful husband Scott. We've known one another since we were kids and have been married for 8 years. I have embraced the homemaker life and am a bit of a crunchy mama. I love making homemade bread, laundry detergent, cloth diapering. Whatever I can do to be gentler on the environment and live a healthy life style. However, my laundry is always piled high and I can't keep the stairs clear of debris for the life of me.

I have definitely gone through many evolutions as a mama and have had to change a little for each child. My three boys are so different and have needed different things from me and so I have learned how to be gentler mama at times for one and a tougher mama for another. I think we are always changing as moms, from one stage to the next.

I'm sure I will learn so much from the other moms and I hope that I can give some insight to mothering as well.

So, that's me in a nutshell (or blogshell?)!

You can find out more at my personal blog: One Vintage Housewife

We may need a bigger kitchen!

2009-04-20T07:38:00.000-07:00

I'm overjoyed at the tremendous response to the request for moms who wish to be a part of the Mommy Mentor Team! This is a blessing far beyond what I imagined and it is going to take a little bit of work to get it all organized. No worries, though. I will get everyone on the list and get this site set up so it is easy to navigate. For now, just enjoy all of the intro posts from the new M.AM. Team members and get to know their stories. These women are all amazing and have great insight to share.
I will post a weekly topic on Mondays for all members to write on, if they so wish. That way, visitors can get different aspects on the same subject. We are also going to be starting a Mother's Day contest, to be announced on Wednesday. Start thinking of a mom or two who deserves to be nominated for the "Yes M.A.M." award (Mothers Are Marvelous.) Get it? Yeah, I'm cheesy like that.
If anyone has questions about our team or would like to join, please email me at kadirprescott@hotmail.com. I'm off to expand our kitchen and welcome our new chefs....er...mentors!

Hi I'm Sarah and I'm an Unexpected Mommy!

2009-04-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

Hello faithful readers. I am ANOTHER one who heeded the call and offered to help with the Mommy Project. I'm Sarah (otherwise known as The Zookeeper) and this is the beginning of my Mommy Story.

When Kadi first announced that she was undertaking this project a few months ago I stood up at my computer and applauded. No kidding. A standing ovation that no one heard. Well, no one but my children and they are used to me doing really random things in front of the computer so they didn't even look up from the cool pops they were melting into the carpet.

I think the first thought that went through my head was, "Well, now where was she five years ago?! I could have used some help!"

Growing up there are two things that little girls always dream of. Their wedding day and the day they become a mom. And you think that those two days are going to be sunshine and rainbows and glee and sunbeams and daisies. For some people maybe that IS the case. It wasn't exactly for me.

I had been dating Beloved for eight months. We had been friends for much longer of course and on our very first date he told me he loved me and was going to marry me. I blamed the Jack and Coke and laughed in his face. Then eight months later he went out without me while I stayed home and took a pregnancy test. When the magic line appeared I burst into tears, packed up my stuff and cried harder than I think I've ever cried in my life.

I wasn't married. This wasn't the plan. I didn't know a thing about being a mother. What if he didn't want the baby? What if he wasn't ready for this? Four hours. Sobbing, gasping for breath, throwing up, and crying some more. Eventually I put myself together, threw my bags in my truck, and drove to a Waffle House (of all places) to have some coffee. In the meantime he came back to our apartment to find a pregnancy test on the counter and me and my stuff gone.

Not the start you want for a family.

Eventually I went back and found him waiting for me with open arms and a huge grin. He was elated. Scared spitless but elated just the same.

I guess I say all of that to say this. Motherhood is never what you expect. You can read all the books in the world - especially What to Expect When You're Expecting - and while you may learn what your child is doing physically, and how you "may" be feeling, you won't know what to expect until you are smack in the middle of it. For the second time and even then it's a gamble. Welcome to the ultimate in on the job training.

(By the way, I would love to share a picture with you all but it turns out that I don't exist. Not in pictures anyway! Amazing how you can give birth 3 times and vanish!)