Accidental Lessons

I'm not exactly sure how old I was; maybe I was about 8. I spent all kinds of time with my grandfather while my parents worked at a local sewing factory. Spring and summer were my favorite seasons because we would plant his garden together and tend to it and plan our entries for the county fair. He was my best friend.

It was during planting one year when he said one thing that has stuck with me for my entire life and will be passed on to my children and my grandchildren. We were planting 18 cabbage plants and he looked at me and said, "Always remember one thing Bear. It's ok to plant them deep and make sure you pack the soil firmly so that they will stand tall like soldiers."

Every spring I plant our flowers and putter in our yard and every spring I hear his voice echoing in my ears. This past weekend I watched my children pot some flowers that I bought for them and I heard myself saying, "Make them stand tall like soldiers."

I know when he said it he had no idea that he was impacting me in such a profound way. He was talking about his garden. But this is a lesson that reaches way beyond the garden gate. As mothers we strive to plant our children's roots deep. We want them to be grounded in faith, morals, joy, and strength. We tend them and we try to pack those life lessons in firmly so that one day our children can stand tall - like soldiers. One day they will be able to reach down to those deep roots and make a firm decision or take a strong stand.

My grandfather never intended to teach me all of that. But he said it and it stuck. And it grew. As I approach mothering every day I have to remind myself that every accidental lesson is a lesson just the same. Do I lose my temper? Do I use patience? Do I love freely? Do I demonstrate kindness to strangers?

May our best lessons be better than accidental. May our lessons be intentional and create strong children to stand tall in the days to come.

Chapter 3/4: Speed Birth and Heartbreak

Welcome back to The Zookeeper Lessons.

Well, obviously from Lesson #2, you probably figured out that we got things settled just in time for Mo's arrival. We even managed to squeeze in a baby shower (the only one I ever got to have) and elopement with the JP. Mo was born two months to the day from the initial test.

Now the Mommy Mentors who had hard deliveries should probably look away for a minute. I'll tell it quickly and quietly so it is easier to ignore. She was born on three hours of labor and no drugs. Gotta love the band-aid approach. Just rip it off and be done. Happy, healthy and perfect.

Fast forward nine months when I got to call my parents and say, "Happy Anniversary! Your gift will be here in approximately seven and a half months." That's right campers. Another pill and breastfeeding baby. Thou shalt not rely on a single version of birth control. That wasn't the Zookeeper Lesson - just a freebie!

This time I was aware of the pregnancy the entire time and it was taxing, trying and downright uncomfotable. Kinda like pregnancy is supposed to be! We clicked along neatly for 7 1/2 months with no complications and no worries. Then I woke up Good Friday morning just feeling "off." I wasn't too concerned because I had the day off to prepare for my parents who were coming to visit for Easter. I even sent Beloved out to the golf course and took Mo to school like usual.

I remember telling my boss that there was a very good chance I might be in labor. Still, I went home and packed a bag and waited two more hours to call the doctor. I still had a full six weeks to go so I was sure it was just Braxton Hicks. Unfortunately I ended up calling Beloved off the 12th hole for another three hour delivery.

This time though I didn't get to go home with my baby. He ended up spending the next two weeks (which is really no time at all I know now) in NICU until he could breath on his own. We endured a collapsed lung, chest tube and ventilator and I went home empty handed.

The Zookeeper Lesson #3. Heartbreak and tears are a part of motherhood. Sometimes it will be your children's tears that break your heart. Sometimes it will be your own tears shed over your children. But the answer lies in the same broken heart. Keep the love. Nurture it and tend it well and the very love that causes the heartbreak will also bring the healing.

Daddy's Home! Can I Pee Alone Now?

I'm Mommy Mentor, Clarissa and I just want to pee alone. I'm not kidding when I tell you that when Daddy gets home, I go to the restroom and close the door and that sometimes is only a twice a week thing.

I'm married to my hubster Joe who I met while I was a single mama of 1 lovely little lady, Mikayla who is now almost 7. Joe & I have a son together who just turned 3 and we live in upstate NY which is all the way on the other side of the country from ALL of our family & friends. Well, I lied--his lil sister lives in New Jersey but that is 3 hours away...so, not exactly a hop, skip and jump away.

My daughter is bi-racial. She doesn't really "get it" at this point. She knows that she is half African-American and half Hispanic but she doesn't get that her "dad" {her biological father} is not in her life. See, she has a Dad who raised her for 2 1/2 years who she still talks to and visits and she has Daddy Joey who has been here since she was 3 1/2. Yeah, it's complicated and it's a long story. I guess we can go over that as this journey progresses.

I hope to bring to you my stories of all my struggles and all my joys and I hope that you can see how wonderful God has been to me all the while. I'm the happiest I have ever been and I work more than you can imagine. My priorities are in line and I intend to keep them that way...but, sometimes I really just want to be alone...even if for a moment of silence. Well, silence minus the sound of pee. ;)

Hi I'm Sarah and I'm an Unexpected Mommy!

Hello faithful readers. I am ANOTHER one who heeded the call and offered to help with the Mommy Project. I'm Sarah (otherwise known as The Zookeeper) and this is the beginning of my Mommy Story.


When Kadi first announced that she was undertaking this project a few months ago I stood up at my computer and applauded. No kidding. A standing ovation that no one heard. Well, no one but my children and they are used to me doing really random things in front of the computer so they didn't even look up from the cool pops they were melting into the carpet.


I think the first thought that went through my head was, "Well, now where was she five years ago?! I could have used some help!"


Growing up there are two things that little girls always dream of. Their wedding day and the day they become a mom. And you think that those two days are going to be sunshine and rainbows and glee and sunbeams and daisies. For some people maybe that IS the case. It wasn't exactly for me.


I had been dating Beloved for eight months. We had been friends for much longer of course and on our very first date he told me he loved me and was going to marry me. I blamed the Jack and Coke and laughed in his face. Then eight months later he went out without me while I stayed home and took a pregnancy test. When the magic line appeared I burst into tears, packed up my stuff and cried harder than I think I've ever cried in my life.


I wasn't married. This wasn't the plan. I didn't know a thing about being a mother. What if he didn't want the baby? What if he wasn't ready for this? Four hours. Sobbing, gasping for breath, throwing up, and crying some more. Eventually I put myself together, threw my bags in my truck, and drove to a Waffle House (of all places) to have some coffee. In the meantime he came back to our apartment to find a pregnancy test on the counter and me and my stuff gone.


Not the start you want for a family.


Eventually I went back and found him waiting for me with open arms and a huge grin. He was elated. Scared spitless but elated just the same.


I guess I say all of that to say this. Motherhood is never what you expect. You can read all the books in the world - especially What to Expect When You're Expecting - and while you may learn what your child is doing physically, and how you "may" be feeling, you won't know what to expect until you are smack in the middle of it. For the second time and even then it's a gamble. Welcome to the ultimate in on the job training.

(By the way, I would love to share a picture with you all but it turns out that I don't exist. Not in pictures anyway! Amazing how you can give birth 3 times and vanish!)