Accidental Lessons

I'm not exactly sure how old I was; maybe I was about 8. I spent all kinds of time with my grandfather while my parents worked at a local sewing factory. Spring and summer were my favorite seasons because we would plant his garden together and tend to it and plan our entries for the county fair. He was my best friend.

It was during planting one year when he said one thing that has stuck with me for my entire life and will be passed on to my children and my grandchildren. We were planting 18 cabbage plants and he looked at me and said, "Always remember one thing Bear. It's ok to plant them deep and make sure you pack the soil firmly so that they will stand tall like soldiers."

Every spring I plant our flowers and putter in our yard and every spring I hear his voice echoing in my ears. This past weekend I watched my children pot some flowers that I bought for them and I heard myself saying, "Make them stand tall like soldiers."

I know when he said it he had no idea that he was impacting me in such a profound way. He was talking about his garden. But this is a lesson that reaches way beyond the garden gate. As mothers we strive to plant our children's roots deep. We want them to be grounded in faith, morals, joy, and strength. We tend them and we try to pack those life lessons in firmly so that one day our children can stand tall - like soldiers. One day they will be able to reach down to those deep roots and make a firm decision or take a strong stand.

My grandfather never intended to teach me all of that. But he said it and it stuck. And it grew. As I approach mothering every day I have to remind myself that every accidental lesson is a lesson just the same. Do I lose my temper? Do I use patience? Do I love freely? Do I demonstrate kindness to strangers?

May our best lessons be better than accidental. May our lessons be intentional and create strong children to stand tall in the days to come.

A Rocky Mtn Intro

Hello Everyone,

I'm Melissa D. and it's a pleasure to be here! I must admit, I have stalked every one of the other team members' blogs and it's a privilege to be a part of this awesome crew. The amazing Kadi is my darling younger cousin and I sincerely thank her for letting me tag along. From the looks of things, at thirty*cough*something, I do believe I'm the eldest of the bunch. Dang it! ;o)

My journey to motherhood has been a twisty one. In 2005 Darling Husband and I tried to start a little brood of our own. Since neither of us were spring chickens, time was of the essence and we gave ourselves a year. No pressure, right? Ah HA! If we hadn't conceived by then we were on to Plan B.. adoption. During that year I did my homework on all the different types of adoption (fost/adopt, private and international) because I'm a "just in case" kind of girl.

The year came and went with no luck and The Plan was set into motion.

What spoke to our hearts was fostering to adopt. Kids in need were right in our own backyard and to us it made perfect sense. In July of 2008 we became certified with a local county and in January of 2009 got "The Call" for our placements.. darling 4 1/2 year old twins I call Jack and Jill**.

To say it has been a roller coaster of emotions is an understatement but at the end of the day, we love them down to our souls. Trust me, love doesn't care about DNA. Our case is still geared towards reunification with their birth mom and all we can do is pray for strength no matter what the outcome. I blog our adventures at Full Circle.

So excited for the opportunity to contribute (thanks again, Kadi!)





~Melissa D.




**Not their real names!

Chapter 3/4: Speed Birth and Heartbreak

Welcome back to The Zookeeper Lessons.

Well, obviously from Lesson #2, you probably figured out that we got things settled just in time for Mo's arrival. We even managed to squeeze in a baby shower (the only one I ever got to have) and elopement with the JP. Mo was born two months to the day from the initial test.

Now the Mommy Mentors who had hard deliveries should probably look away for a minute. I'll tell it quickly and quietly so it is easier to ignore. She was born on three hours of labor and no drugs. Gotta love the band-aid approach. Just rip it off and be done. Happy, healthy and perfect.

Fast forward nine months when I got to call my parents and say, "Happy Anniversary! Your gift will be here in approximately seven and a half months." That's right campers. Another pill and breastfeeding baby. Thou shalt not rely on a single version of birth control. That wasn't the Zookeeper Lesson - just a freebie!

This time I was aware of the pregnancy the entire time and it was taxing, trying and downright uncomfotable. Kinda like pregnancy is supposed to be! We clicked along neatly for 7 1/2 months with no complications and no worries. Then I woke up Good Friday morning just feeling "off." I wasn't too concerned because I had the day off to prepare for my parents who were coming to visit for Easter. I even sent Beloved out to the golf course and took Mo to school like usual.

I remember telling my boss that there was a very good chance I might be in labor. Still, I went home and packed a bag and waited two more hours to call the doctor. I still had a full six weeks to go so I was sure it was just Braxton Hicks. Unfortunately I ended up calling Beloved off the 12th hole for another three hour delivery.

This time though I didn't get to go home with my baby. He ended up spending the next two weeks (which is really no time at all I know now) in NICU until he could breath on his own. We endured a collapsed lung, chest tube and ventilator and I went home empty handed.

The Zookeeper Lesson #3. Heartbreak and tears are a part of motherhood. Sometimes it will be your children's tears that break your heart. Sometimes it will be your own tears shed over your children. But the answer lies in the same broken heart. Keep the love. Nurture it and tend it well and the very love that causes the heartbreak will also bring the healing.

Chapter 2: A Two Month Pregnancy

I like to do things on the fast track. Start a project, beat a project to death, be done. That's my way. "But Sarah! Babies take a full 40 weeks to cook. You can't rush that or shorten it in anyway. "

Sure you can! You can be oblivious, naive and me!

So we already established that Mo was a surprise. But the bigger surprise came when we went to the doctor the next week. I had been on the pill. I had been having regular (if a little lighter) periods (which I blamed on the pill). I had only gained about 10 pounds which I attributed from going from running a mile a day to eating a bag of chips a day when I moved in with Beloved. And (please don't hate me Crystal!) I had had NO morning sickness.

Imagine my shock when the doc measured me, took my blood, and told me I was either seven months along or having twins. I had been going out 3 nights a weekend and having my share of adult beverages. I had made a Memorial Day trip to New Orleans (not the most sober of places you know). I had been eating what ever I felt like when ever I felt like it and there had been no exercise (aside from the obvious)! Now the doc was telling me I had two months to get married, get healthy, move into a bigger apartment, set up a nursery, attend birthing classes, get a car that fit a carseat, pack a bag and have a baby.

I didn't go back to work after my appointment. I think I went home and got sick.

The Zookeeper Mommy Lesson #2. Mothers have more strength, determination, focus and stamina than they will ever give themselves credit for or admit they have. We think we can't possibly pull something off. It looks completely impossible, improbable and scary as hell. We don't believe in ourselves enough.

But when the rubber hits the road and it's make it or break it time; when our families, our children, and in essence, our lives are hanging in the balance, we will pull out all the stops, fight like banshees and make it happen. There is a strength that comes with being a mother that no one but a mother will ever understand.