Things you REALLY need to know

When a woman is pregnant, if she is like I was, she'll read every bit of literature pertaining to the impending birth and rearing of the new life.

Of course, I haven't read a pregnancy book in over ten years, so the times may have changed, but here is an excerpt of the list of things the books don't tell you. Maybe they should, but then again, if the goal is to continue the human race, somethings need to be discovered or we'd never have more than one child.

Here is my list, not in any particular order:
1. Never again will you be able to do your business in the bathroom without someone on the other side with IMPORTANT information.

2.The husband will resort back to the teenage years trying to get you have sex anywhere, quickly, all for the purpose of just doing it.

3. Siblings that were so carefully planned will not like each other. In fact, personality wise they will be polar opposites and wouldn't be friends even if they weren't related.

4. The bleeding after the birth is NOT LIKE A NORMAL PERIOD. (That could have been just me, but oh my. The bleeding.)

5. When they learn to read they will use it against you. Like looking at the caller ID.

6. They will remember things like, "Two weeks ago you said we'd go to Target this Saturday," but didn't remember that it was their day to unload the dishwasher.

7. The unexpected things will make your heart want to explode. The other day, my 10-year old whispers in my ear at Penney's, "I love you." I thought I was going to cry right there. Just minutes earlier he was whining about something.

8. While in the car, if a favorite song comes on the radio and you turn it up to sing along, someone will have something very important to say causing you to turn it back down.

9. The cost of formula and diapers matches the national deficit.

10. Things will happen either after the office closes or on the weekend. Things like fevers, rashes, or cuts needing medical attention.

My list continues to grow. But I have another list for another time that spells out all the things I would have missed had I not had these three gorgeous creatures.

Chapter 2: A Two Month Pregnancy

I like to do things on the fast track. Start a project, beat a project to death, be done. That's my way. "But Sarah! Babies take a full 40 weeks to cook. You can't rush that or shorten it in anyway. "

Sure you can! You can be oblivious, naive and me!

So we already established that Mo was a surprise. But the bigger surprise came when we went to the doctor the next week. I had been on the pill. I had been having regular (if a little lighter) periods (which I blamed on the pill). I had only gained about 10 pounds which I attributed from going from running a mile a day to eating a bag of chips a day when I moved in with Beloved. And (please don't hate me Crystal!) I had had NO morning sickness.

Imagine my shock when the doc measured me, took my blood, and told me I was either seven months along or having twins. I had been going out 3 nights a weekend and having my share of adult beverages. I had made a Memorial Day trip to New Orleans (not the most sober of places you know). I had been eating what ever I felt like when ever I felt like it and there had been no exercise (aside from the obvious)! Now the doc was telling me I had two months to get married, get healthy, move into a bigger apartment, set up a nursery, attend birthing classes, get a car that fit a carseat, pack a bag and have a baby.

I didn't go back to work after my appointment. I think I went home and got sick.

The Zookeeper Mommy Lesson #2. Mothers have more strength, determination, focus and stamina than they will ever give themselves credit for or admit they have. We think we can't possibly pull something off. It looks completely impossible, improbable and scary as hell. We don't believe in ourselves enough.

But when the rubber hits the road and it's make it or break it time; when our families, our children, and in essence, our lives are hanging in the balance, we will pull out all the stops, fight like banshees and make it happen. There is a strength that comes with being a mother that no one but a mother will ever understand.

Hi I'm Sarah and I'm an Unexpected Mommy!

Hello faithful readers. I am ANOTHER one who heeded the call and offered to help with the Mommy Project. I'm Sarah (otherwise known as The Zookeeper) and this is the beginning of my Mommy Story.


When Kadi first announced that she was undertaking this project a few months ago I stood up at my computer and applauded. No kidding. A standing ovation that no one heard. Well, no one but my children and they are used to me doing really random things in front of the computer so they didn't even look up from the cool pops they were melting into the carpet.


I think the first thought that went through my head was, "Well, now where was she five years ago?! I could have used some help!"


Growing up there are two things that little girls always dream of. Their wedding day and the day they become a mom. And you think that those two days are going to be sunshine and rainbows and glee and sunbeams and daisies. For some people maybe that IS the case. It wasn't exactly for me.


I had been dating Beloved for eight months. We had been friends for much longer of course and on our very first date he told me he loved me and was going to marry me. I blamed the Jack and Coke and laughed in his face. Then eight months later he went out without me while I stayed home and took a pregnancy test. When the magic line appeared I burst into tears, packed up my stuff and cried harder than I think I've ever cried in my life.


I wasn't married. This wasn't the plan. I didn't know a thing about being a mother. What if he didn't want the baby? What if he wasn't ready for this? Four hours. Sobbing, gasping for breath, throwing up, and crying some more. Eventually I put myself together, threw my bags in my truck, and drove to a Waffle House (of all places) to have some coffee. In the meantime he came back to our apartment to find a pregnancy test on the counter and me and my stuff gone.


Not the start you want for a family.


Eventually I went back and found him waiting for me with open arms and a huge grin. He was elated. Scared spitless but elated just the same.


I guess I say all of that to say this. Motherhood is never what you expect. You can read all the books in the world - especially What to Expect When You're Expecting - and while you may learn what your child is doing physically, and how you "may" be feeling, you won't know what to expect until you are smack in the middle of it. For the second time and even then it's a gamble. Welcome to the ultimate in on the job training.

(By the way, I would love to share a picture with you all but it turns out that I don't exist. Not in pictures anyway! Amazing how you can give birth 3 times and vanish!)