When Kadi first announced that she was undertaking this project a few months ago I stood up at my computer and applauded. No kidding. A standing ovation that no one heard. Well, no one but my children and they are used to me doing really random things in front of the computer so they didn't even look up from the cool pops they were melting into the carpet.
I think the first thought that went through my head was, "Well, now where was she five years ago?! I could have used some help!"
Growing up there are two things that little girls always dream of. Their wedding day and the day they become a mom. And you think that those two days are going to be sunshine and rainbows and glee and sunbeams and daisies. For some people maybe that IS the case. It wasn't exactly for me.
I had been dating Beloved for eight months. We had been friends for much longer of course and on our very first date he told me he loved me and was going to marry me. I blamed the Jack and Coke and laughed in his face. Then eight months later he went out without me while I stayed home and took a pregnancy test. When the magic line appeared I burst into tears, packed up my stuff and cried harder than I think I've ever cried in my life.
I wasn't married. This wasn't the plan. I didn't know a thing about being a mother. What if he didn't want the baby? What if he wasn't ready for this? Four hours. Sobbing, gasping for breath, throwing up, and crying some more. Eventually I put myself together, threw my bags in my truck, and drove to a Waffle House (of all places) to have some coffee. In the meantime he came back to our apartment to find a pregnancy test on the counter and me and my stuff gone.
Not the start you want for a family.
Eventually I went back and found him waiting for me with open arms and a huge grin. He was elated. Scared spitless but elated just the same.
I guess I say all of that to say this. Motherhood is never what you expect. You can read all the books in the world - especially What to Expect When You're Expecting - and while you may learn what your child is doing physically, and how you "may" be feeling, you won't know what to expect until you are smack in the middle of it. For the second time and even then it's a gamble. Welcome to the ultimate in on the job training.
(By the way, I would love to share a picture with you all but it turns out that I don't exist. Not in pictures anyway! Amazing how you can give birth 3 times and vanish!)
